DAYAZUL <3.

OMG. 3 MORE FCUKING DAYS PEOPLE!!!!

3 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I freaking can't believe this. And did I tell you I got this Friday off?? Without me requesting?! I have been stressing myself out for this and Alhamdullilah, I think God knows. I seriously thought someone has asked for my behalf but NO. My colleagues said it's damn hard to get the weekends off but I got it! I guess it's just my luck. Syukur!!!

I have the whole Friday and Saturday till 8pm to spent time with him. That if, if he's not busy lah. Sunday he wants to spent his time at home and I will be working at 6pm. It doesn't matter I guess. I think I wanna ask for off-in-lieu. That means 2 days off. Gosh. I can't believe the day is coming REALLY SOON. It's this week baby!!

This week will be my last week of being 'single'. After that I don't need to feel sad or whatsoever when I see loving couple all around. I can't wait to be with him again. Whatever that will happen, insyallah we can go through it together. Whatever that I have been stressing out, I hope everything will be OK. Oh, I think I should tell him to start finding for job already since he'll be ORD-ing in Oct/Nov. Welcome to my world baby. See how hard it is to find a good job eh. But hopefully he will find a good job lah.

I'll be getting my pay today. I'm quite nervous though cos I have no idea how much I'll be getting. Won't expect much. Nanti aku yang dissapointed sendiri.

Ok chalo beteh.

My baby's coming out this Friday.
Honestly I am feeling pretty scared, nervous, worried, happy, insecure, paranoid and whatsoever.

I think too much sometimes I'm stressing myself out. It's crazy you know. The nearer the date, the more I feel like giving up. I KNOW SIOW RIGHT?! Like wtf am I thinking man? The future scares the shit out of me ar seriously. I keep thinking about all the fights we're gonna have. All the misunderstandings that's gonna happen. Sometimes I feel like crying just thinking about it. I'm MOSTLY scared whether is he gonna change for the better or not. Or will he still be stuck in his past? That is the MAIN thing that I'm scared about. Told him gazillions of times. Yes of cos he said he's gonna change and all. But all that promises are made when he was inside. Things and mindset might change when he's facing the real world. And friends.

I've gone through so many things. Both with him AND alone. I know I'm strong enough to go through any challenge that GOD give me. But I seriously hate the feeling of being heart broken. IT FEELS LIKE SHIT. I'm terribly scared of getting my heart broken again. And disappointed by him over and over again. I'm sick and tired ar seriously.

The best thing during this 14 months being alone was that I was free from being disappointed and free from arguments. Yes I might miss arguing with him but thinking about it, I rather not argue. It hurts lah.

I shall look on the brightside. Whatever that happens in the future, either good or bad, has a reason behind it. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I'll just hope for the best. For me, him and US. Amin.

Was looking through my emails and I found this.
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Actually there's like 87 more pics but lazy to upload.
When was this??! I think before I met my boyfriend. Yes yes. A few months before I got to know him. And I think Lyn's ex was in NS if I'm not wrong.
Those were the times when we will hang out till morning. Go riding around Singapore. Get nags from parents because I keep going home late.
Really miss those times and the guys! It's been ages since I last saw them.
Young, naive and innocent back then.
Happy happy times. Life wasn't as dramatic as now. And things have changed.
Ar rindu.

I just had my sahur and I'm going to sleep in a moment.
Happy weekends all.
And to me, happy working tomorrow.
Posted to PH recep today. Damn!

8 days left.

Honestly, there's so many things on my mind right now. I'm so stressed up. TOTALLY. I feel like I have so many things to do yet so little time. One big problem is my current job..

As you know, or don't know, he really hates my current job. I think he wants me to quit like NOW. I wish I could but I want to make this as my part-time job you see. So that I'll have extra income in the future. I mean if I'm working at other place during office hours. Because I got to know that PT staff earns more then those FT. How unfair! They work less then 6 days and they get the same as us. And I haven't even tell me IC that I want to change. Oh God. I keep delaying it till now. FML. REALLY FML.

And he's coming out this next Friday and I'm sure I have to work on that day. Seriously fuck lah. I won't have time to go out with him. Don't even talk about Saturday. I used to really look forward to Sat with him. Do you know that I feel like shit?! And he wants to take off till 13 Sep and I FUCKING KNOW I HAVE TO WORK. THAT SERIOUSLY MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE SHITTER THEN EVER. I feel so bad for not being with him. But honestly, I really hope he understands my situation. It's not like I can't MIA. I can always do that and according to him, that's what I do best. It's just that I WANT THIS TO MAKE AS MY EXTRA INCOME. I can work 3 times per week. That extra money can really help us. And I get my pay twice a month. And he, after ORD-ing also I don't know what type of job he will get. Who knows he will get shift jobs? Those which need to work at night. Then I also can work my night job right? To keep me company.

I can't be like last time. MIA-ING from work just to spent time with him. Till when? Might as well we get married and I just stay home and wait for him to come back from work everyday. And I need to work. Well he thinks that I don't need to pay anything. You are so wrong baby. I have to pay off my internet and hp bills that can accumulate to $160-$200. And I have to give my mom money. Plus transport money and food money. Everything needs money. I can't only depend on my parents or even you right? You have you own needs and I have my own needs too. Haiz. Seriously I am so stress right now.

I just hope that things won't become worse between us because of this. Distance won't pull us apart. If we can work things out when he's inside, why not now? There's always the phone and he has a bike. We can meet anytime we want. ANTARA NAK ATAU TAKNAK JEK.

AND FUCK. DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT HARI RAYA.

14 more days.

That's like 2 weeks more. Next week is my LAST visit. Last visit people!!!!!!! OMG. It's finally hitting me that my sexy boyfriend is coming back home. At last. No more being the gooseberry. Which I totally hate if I go out with Nanie&hubby and Izah&Yati. Like TOTALLY. I'm not going out with them anymore till my bf comes out!! The next time we all go out together, I'll be hand in hand with my bf right at the back,looking at each other's eyes. HAHAHA. Be jealous. Hahahaha!! I miss him kissing or hugging me in front of his friends. He doesn't care lor whoever is around. I likeeeee! Can't wait for his return!! 14 freaking long months is gonna be over soon before I know it.

Work has been OK. I'm beginning to like work though. Getting closer to some of them. Make friends with every department. Bartendars, servers, the CSO. Work will be more fun if you're having fun. Correct? And I love doing receps. Cos I'll be at the front and usually there will be like 3 4 CSO in front too. And some are crazy. Keep joking and stuff. Time flies.

And I seriously need to tell my IC already that I'm changing to PT soon. I'm sure not gonna work on HARI RAYA!!! Nak mampos?! Matair aku mesti merajok dgn aku punyer. Dalah last year tk dpt g Geylang Bazaar same2 on malam raya. Kali ni, cannot!! Must go lor. And Hari Raya itself also even though we won't be meeting, giler ker nak g kerja??! Hello orang nak berayaaaaa!! Sia2 jek puasa almost 1 bulan. Heh.

Alright. Not in the mood to write long post. Bye. Have a nice weekend people. Hmph jealous.

I had two dreams. Both involved him. And both wasn't quite a pleasant ones.

In one of the dreams, I dreamt that he cheated on me. With a girl I know. In that dream, I knew that the girl was a bitch. But it takes two hands to clap right? Even after telling her that we are together, she just can't stop flirting with him. And I was literally begging and crying to her to stop. Like any other dreams, I didn't get to the ending.

In my second dream, he just got out. And we were in some neighborhood place. I was in a towel actually. With absolutely no clothes on! And we were sitting at a bustop. And we were arguing about his hp. I clearly remembered that he doesnt have any hp but his taik friends were still able to contact him so I demanded which no he used lah. And he kept saying he don't know. Then suddenly while he was hugging me, we heard his friend's voice behind. It was A. He was talking to B. Then he passed his phone to him and he asked B, how are you bla2. Suddenly she showed up and said HI to him but completely ignored me. I don't give a damn anyway. I demanded him for my short and top to wear after that and stormed off. But he followed lah. Again, I don't know the ending.

What's that supposed to mean eh? Am I thinking too much? Honestly, 2 weeks without his letter makes me feel lonelier that ever. Yes its weird. Cos I feel like we're out of touch. And I think this is probably the longest period that we didn't hear from each other. And yeah, I didn't write to him either cos I feel so angry. He told me he will write but he didn't. Fuck that boy. I hate him for that! He's gonna get it from me tomorrow.

Work has been OK so far. Getting to know more people especially the CSOs. I had to do recep for Dragon last week for 3 times. The thing about recep is that you have to be at the front and there's always gonna be a bouncer beside you. For Dragon, there will be like 4 5 bouncer at the front. And they will chat you up. Joke around and stuff. It makes time flies faster and I like that. That's why I like to be posted at the front. And Dragon is probably the best place so far to work at. Even though its a chinese place. But there will be interval where they will play trance songs lah. And you know what? This bouncer who will always stand next to me and always stare then look at me for long which makes me feel really uncomfortable actually. But he talks a lot. And always kacau me one. And everything he said, I sure got something to say back. He even said 'kau ade jer eh nak jawap'. Hahaha. And hes a damn matrep lor. And the last time I worked with him, he asked for my no but of cos I didnt give lah. He told me straightforward that he likes me! Mampos lor. Another matrep yang muke sombong giler babi punyer finally talked to me yesterday. And they all asked for his opinion whether I look like minahrep or not and he said YES!! Nabei. Nod his head so many times some more! Chicken! No wonder he never ever smile at me before. Cos he thinks that im a stuck up minah! Ok now i get it.

Tomorrow's fasting people! Are you guys excited?? I'm damn excited!! I'm so so sooo happy actually. You all should know why lah hor. Tomorrow is also the second last visit. After that, the last visit ever!! Woooooooooooo!!

Sending resumes starts yesterday. And I've already got one this Thursday but it's damn far. At Kaki Bukit woi. Hello? Jurong to Kaki Bukit? Leh mampos. Kalau gaji 1.8k takper gak kan. But we'll see. But most probably I can't start now lah. I've already planned to start next month, a week after he's released but me being so kanchiong as usual, already starts searching yesterday. Kiasu what.

And people, countdown starts yesterday too!!!!! 30 more days bebeh. Just 30 more days. Omg. It's nearing peopleeeeee!!!!!!!!! I can't stop being excited over this. Like seriously. I dreamt of him yesterday. He was giving me those manja kisses on my cheeks, hugging me. It felt so real. It really does. I felt the love coming out from him. And it feels so good. Yes, its only in my dreams but in my dreams, I can really feel it. I miss that feeling so so much.

Yesterday one of the bouncer asked me where's my bf then I said he's somewhere then he asked me somewhere as in overseas or here? I said somewhere lah! Then he said 'prison?'. I looked at him and said not prison but somewhere. He said 'DB?' I said yeah. And he says to another guy ' Kan da agak'. He said 'Can see..'. I'm like HUH? Ape yang can see? He said my face can tell. HHHMMMMMMMMM.. Seriously, die bomoh ke ape eh leh nampak dari muke aku yg matair aku kt DB?? But really lah.. How come he knows eh? I didn't tell ANYBODY at all that my bf is not here with me physically right now. No one knows about my story. Because I don't share stories. If ppl asked me if I got a bf, I'll just said yes. I don't ' yes but he is in DB right now '. I don't do that. Hmmm...

I'll be posted to Dragon recep again tomorrow. BORING LAH TERAMAT SANGAT. I'll be posted to Power this Sunday but inside the bar. Also damn boring. Sunday ade orang ker gi Pwrhse?? This week schedule damn boring lah. But Okla. Recep not much work. I think... Haha cos Monday didn't have alot of people coming in. Not sure about today and Friday though.

xoxo

I'll be starting work at 9 tonight. Have to be there an hr earlier. Posted to Dragonfly recep today, Wednesday and Friday. Baikkkkkkkkkkkk ehhhhh. Muke aku nie muke ciner ker?? And some of the bouncers said I'm in the category Minah Ahlian. Wtf? I've no idea what that means. They have 'Minahrep Melayu, Minahrep Ciner, Minah Ahlian' and whatelse? But okla dari kene Minahrep Melayu. Hahaha. So far working there is fun lah. Except for the closing part. That is HELL SHIT. I'm still getting used to it. Still slow. What do you expect right? Been working there only for a week. But I've already decide that I wanna change to part-time in Sep. I wanna find office jobs already. By middle of this month.

Baby's coming out NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!! I can fucking finally said he's gonna be out next month. And I can fucking finally find an office hour job. Hopefully it will be easy to find one ar. And I think I wanna dye my hair all black lah. Sick of this blonde fringe already. Been having it for a year already lor. And I want it JET BLACK. Totally black like charcoal. My hair is super long already sia. Reaching my butt crack already leh!! So happy!

Ok have a nice week people!

Daya I'm a sucker for LOVE. Not interested in dramas. Deeply in love with her one and only, Mohd Faizrul <3

I know you want me,you know I want you too.

Lovers and Fighters Since 20th July 2007