DAYAZUL <3.

I've been working 7 days straight this week and amazingly, I don't feel lazy or whatsoever. No off days for us cos they said we already receive too many off days already. I hope I don't speak too soon but this is probably the first job that I don't feel lazy. All my previous jobs, just a few days working and I will feel ' ala malas sak nk g keje nari '. I hope this will continue for a year la eh.. Probably because the absence of Md Faizrul helps me motivate myself from going to work. Cos by staying home won't do me any good. Its better if I go to work right..

My mum told me we already received the GST money but too bad, all goes to Mum. Boyfriend's GST will go to his Mum too. He told his mum to let me use the new card he received two weeks ago cos the one which is with me da koyak2. By giving me the card, I somehow sense that he wants me to stick with him. Not only that. The sis even let me have his Ipod and the lil sister gave me her pink earpiece. And its like they expect me to come their house every week. Last week I went to WDL thrice OK. Next week will be on Wednesday. The day where the Mum will be visiting him. Dorang da tengok die 3 kali sey termasok next wed! Aku skali pon tk pernah. So sad.. But nevermind. After the sentence, big chances I can visit also. Can't wait. And the court marshall which is coming soon, I'm definitely going pasal leh tengok dan jumpe die for 5 mins! Atleast dpt hug and kiss da Ok. Miss him so much... And the mum told me he asked for my pictures pasal nak tampal kt tembok. So my next letter, I'm gona give him many2 of our pics and my pics. Haiz... Why life is so unfair? But its ok.. This is a test from the Above. And the only thing I can do is to embrace it and look on the brightside.

I received his first letter yesterday. I read it so many times and each time, I'll cry.. But I'm glad to know that he's doing OK inside. He even started praying and learning bout ' Tauhid etc '. Alhamdullilah. I hope he continues doing that.

His parents are gonna visit him later around 1.30pm. Nak pass message tpi tk tau ape nk ckp. I really can't wait for the day where I can start visiting him once a week. So far, I don't have any bad feeling about this.. I really hope he gets a light sentence.

As for me, life revolves around work. Work, work, work. But I kinda like it. Time flies and friends at work keeps me happy. Joking none stop. But tiring ar. From 5 to 12 diri. Mane tk penat? I'm waiting anxiously for my pay. I already plan to book my FTT. After I pass, I can register my PDL and book my TP straight. Insyallah everything will go smoothly. Boyfriend even read my mind I guess. He told me to start saving and go for my practicals. That was exactly what I was planning to do.

I really miss you Mohd Faizrul. And fyi, I already sent back a letter to him tadi pagi. Ya. I semangat like that. I know if I post after 2, besok aru postman amek. And Boyfriend wrote his letter on 21st June. 24 june da dpt. Cepat kn? I can't wait for his second letter. I hope there is la...

I thank God for giving me this job. Or else I think, I have already gone mad by now. Work really keeps me occupy even though sometimes or shall I say most of the times, I still think of him everynow and then. And friends at work also helps. They make me laugh and keeps my mind of things for awhile. And by the time I get home, Im already beat tired from the day's work. I just have to continue doing this for a year.. Hopefully. Because the timing is just right for me right now.

And I called his mum yesterday while on break. Just wanna ask how she's doing and how did the visit go. She told me he cried. Of cos.. I know he's actually a softie at heart. He said he wants to go out and eat with me.. :'( Im so sad. He also said after he's out, he wanna get engaged with me. He even told the sister to remind me not to do things that he hate and he also told me to eat. Don't worry baby. My money will be spent on food now.. I don't wish to waste my money on nessasary stuff even though it won't hurt to buy some new shoes or clothes or whatever to make me happy right.. But for now... No clubs. And oh, I think he'll be getting 1 yr in DB cos the mum said next year April he's out. I REALLY PRAY ITS THAT BECAUSE ITS NOT CONFIRMED YET. As he has not being sentenced yet. And his court will probably be a month after ar. I asked so many people ready. Let's just pray and hope he's gonna be fine alright.. He will be!!

I've already started writing letters.. And his mum also said he will sent letter to me but will be posted to his house. So I'll just wait. I can't wait for his sentences cos after that, he can request to see me. After awhile can request to have an open visit. Gosh.. I know some might think Im stupid to wait for him. But seriously, you guys are not in my shoes. You will never know how I feel. For 2 years, I've been with him. I know him inside and out. I know what kinda person he is. I know he's a good person. He has his bad side but his good side, only I know..

I'll be working at 4 later. But after work, I feel kinda sad. Especially on weekends. Cos on weekends, he'll be fetching me at my workplace. Haiz...

When I'm with friends, I can be happy and smiling and laughing, but deep inside, I will still think of Zul and I will feel sad. But I won't really show by putting on a smile..

But when you're back to alone, the feelings start to suck it up on you and you will feel fucking shitty like fuck. Its fucking horrible la the feeling. I hate it!! And even though I'm with friends, I still feel lonely.......

Its just not the same when I'm with him... For 2 years, wherever we go, we go together. Name it.. Town, esplanade, clarke quay, boat quay, bugis etc... Almost every corner of Spore, I've been with him.. How to forget? The feeling of not being with him for a long time, KILLS ME. It really does.. Whenever I think of that, I lose my appetite.

Just now, whenever I feel like buying something, I will stop myself. Cos I kept thinking about that time we fought about my spendings.. Argh.. I just wish I can hear him nag at me again.. I miss all those fights we had....... :'(

Nobody knows how I feel right now... Nobody. Maybe except his mum. God, please save him... And tolong la cepat kan lah sentence die.. The longer it takes, the more stressful I am....

First of all, I just want to say thanks to LYN for accompanying me on Monday night and today's night. Appreciate it so much! Atleast there's someone who can keep my mind off things. To be honest, I'm still not OK. I cried a few times at work just now. I don't why I burts out crying a few times. Haiz.. And I fucking don't know why everywhere I go, it reminds me of him. ERGH!!! This is so hard then I expected. I got to keep myself busy. Like DAMN BUSY.

So far, we haven't got any news about my baby. Hopefully, by 12 midnight, everything will be settle and they will officially let the army handle him. Oh god, please help my Faizrul...
And I hope, he will get 8 months of sentence since its his first time..
Daya, be strong. Everything's gonna be alright. Like what my sayang will say 'Always look on the brightside of life'. And remember our good times together and you'll be ok.

Argh. I fucking miss him so much!!! So fucking much, you have no idea HOW MUCH I fucking miss him.

I just need to know how many months will he be sentenced and everything will be settle. I have so many plans that I want to do when he's gone.
I wanna take my car license.
I wanna save up money and make a big celebration when he's out.
These are the two important things that I need to do from now onwards.

I think I got this job for a reason, at the right time. This job will take up most of my time and I'm definitely happy cos this will keep my mind off things.

I have so many things to say actually..
I have this very strong determination that I will wait for him. There are some things that keeps me going... And it all comes from him.

We have already promise each other, no matter what happens, we will stick by each other. And this will be the ONLY promise that are not meant to be broken.
He told me many times that he wants me to be his wife. He ever told me 'do you know if a guy says he wants you to be his wife, that means he really has made up his mind that you're the one for him....?'. This may sound stupid but this really give me the determination to wait for him.
I can never find someone like him. Never. Maybe close but noone just like him.

Why must this happen when we are still madly deeply inlove? Haiz......

All I can do now is to wait for news from his mum. No bad news please. But I have a good feeling that he's gonna be ok........

The reason why I privitise this blog is because I think his sister read my blog. That I really don't mind. Secondly my love of my life has been taken away by the police. So what's there to blog about? And third, I just need to let out what Im feeling inside and only people i know read this.

It happened yesterday night. He was actually on the way to his bike, talking to me. He wanted to meet me and then he realised there's people standing looking at him and suddenly one guy approach him and asked ' are u faizrul? ' and he said 'ya' then he was told to off his phone. And he did. AT THAT POINT OF TIME YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FELT. I WAS SCARED, SAD AND FUCKING WORRIED.
And called up Lyn and just pour out to her. i burst our crying so bad. I was fucking scared siak because I know, if he is caught, he WILL be charged. But lucky thing, those drugs were not on him. Its been 24 hours already now. Time check. 9:50pm. He was caught around this time. Eh sialah! aku sedih nk mampos per siak. omg!!!

I went to his house just now at 9am in the morning. I managed to sleep at 4 plus but kept waking up. At 7 I couldn't take it, aku mandi siap g wdl. Aku sampai mak die pon da bangun. And the whole day, aku really had no energy to do anything or eat anything. I just cried silently in the toilet, i lie down at Zul's bed and smell his pillow, listening to his ipod. there was soooo many of 'our' songs. every song reminds me of him and something bout us. kau leh imagine tk bapenye sedih aku? i kept crying and crying. i just couldnt take it. my heart is totally broken right now. aku sedih nk mampos.. and his mum.. i heard her crying so loud inside her room and then she told farha to take 2 of zul's used clothes. and when i went inside, i saw her crying while hugging the clothes and smelling it. sialah. tu part aku terus breakdown nangis dgn mak die sey..... omg. why am i crying right nw?? stop it daya please...
and she kept crying and i just rub her shoulders and told her to calm down.. i was still crying. then she finally said ' aku takot kalau aku tk dpt jumpe die lagi '. sedih sia.. serious shit... den cry den talk den cry then talk till the eldest sister came.

haiz... while inside zul's room, i was looking thru the bday card i did on his 21st bday.. and even spray his perfume on my hand. i miss his smell... i even smelled the towel he used that was hanging on the cupboard. sedih sey..... he ever told me a few days ago. hes looking forward to july, august and sep. and now... this happen. and he also msg me just now, he was on the way to aper camp tah kay yew tee. army db place like that ar. he msg me i ingat nk belikan kite 2 cincin bulang depan tpi tk dpt. he told us all not to cry and he told us he love us. sigh...... im so sad. on sunday while riding back home, i was alrdy planning wat to do on our 20th. i wanted to take him to G-max and watch sunset cos he kept telling me die nk tengok sunset together since one to two weeks ago.... sume tk kesampaian..

aku sedih.... aku sedih nk mampos....... i can cry all night thinking bout him. everytime i close my eyes, all i see is him and all our memories together... its so hard. this is harder then last time. why must this happen? why? why us? why him? why???????

im already missing him since yesterday. the thought of not having the last hug, kills me man. but i thank god i managed to hug him last sunday. he sent me back home den he kissed my cheek and lips many2 times.. then after that i was already a few steps away then he called me back. he said' kite lom hug lagi' den he smiled...... and he hugged me real tight... omg.. thinkign bout all this is making me cry.. i can still imagine his smile right now. ever so sweet. always makes me melt... his jokes... his hugs and kisses... his everything... i miss him... i miss us...

right now, all i can do is wait for the mum's call. the mum will call me everytime there's news. i hope tml i will get her call and said he's been sentenced already and that means can meet him. i hope i can meet him la. im only the gf..... god......

PLEASE DEAR GOD, PLEASE SAVE HIM FROM ALL THE BAD THINGS. HES A GOOD MAN. HE HAS A VERY KIND HEART. PLEASE HELP HIM, YA ALLAH.

and i already made up my mind. i will wait for him.

Somebody please wake me up from this horrible nightmare. Slap me please. Tell me im dreaming. Please!!!!!!!!

I just can't stop crying and thinking. Whatever I do, I think of him. Wherever I go I think of him. Even at the Expressway just now back home, i remembered he always sent me back home by that way.

I'm just so freaking sad, lost and confused. This is a bad dejavu. Fuck. But luckily, this time round, im already so called part of the family so im not literally left hanging alone. I'll talk more about this on my next entry.

And I don't need to share all this with everyone. So next entry will be privatised.

WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN??? WHY?? WHY?????????
IM SO WORRIED RIGHT NOW.

YA ALLAH, TOLONG LA DIE. JANGAN APE2 KAN DIE LA YA ALLAH. GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS, AGAIN.

AKU SAYANG DIE!!! I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE HIM. GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY.

To cut or not to cut? That is the question. But fo sure, I will miss my long hair if I cut it. And right till now, I still can't believe my hair is this long... Its gonna reach my bottom by the end of this year or early next year, I predict. And for your info, I hadn't trim my hair for 2 years already. Pasal sayangnye pasal! But people think my hair is smooth and shit. Smooth abis..

And, I also feel like colouring my hair. I want light colours but I already dyed it black so many times already! So if I want light colours, I might need to bleach it and that means, damaged hair! I want ash blonde.... But the idea of bleaching your hair once every few months is torturing. I don't want brown hair. Like too minah-ish. Oh maybe blonde hightlights? Ergh. Want to colour hair also need to think alot of things ar?

So did you guys enjoy your weekend? I had fun at Supper Club even though there's some hiccups. As usual. Little arguements here and there. Whatever.
Ar but this weekend not so shiok la since I'm broke and he's about to be broke too.

Next time.

.........

Supper Club last Saturday. The rest at Facebook! My first time there. I had fun dancing! Even though halfway, no no, 1/3 of the way, boyfriend left me for O Bar! Pfft. Nevermind. I still had fun with the girls. Boyfriend came back 20 to 30 mins before we all left Supper Club. Went to Clarke quay to meet his friends for awhile. Ar nasib la ader motor. Kalau tk, tk kuase siak nk patah balik! Jiwe kawan mcm gini lah. Rolls eyes. After that we went to Esplanade to argue. Bout whatelse? My spendings! Whatever ar eh. Think whatever you want.

What I know, I can't wait to get 1/3 of my pay this Tuesday. Im fuckin broke already. And I'm thinking of getting my Dad a Father's Day gift. All my life, the only present I bought for my dad was a shirt. What a bad daughter. So I think I'll probably buy some thing for him.

Kk nak mandi, siap pastu get my skinny ass to Woodland!

Time check : 8pm

And its raining heavily in Jurong right now. Please stop raining when its time for me to go out k? As expected, I already had the feeling that we are not gonna get our money today but the plan to go to Supper Club with the colleagues and Boyfriend is still on.

So what should I wear? No need to dress up la. I'll probably just wear some top and black pants and curl my hair and put on my new bling2 hoops.. Hahaha.

I just hope this weekend would be a good one. Today AND tomorrow. Please, please, please!

Anyway, I was kinda pissed off with him just now. We were practically argueing about my spendings. And he even assumed that I spent all my money on someone else. KANINA. He doesnt realise that when we go out, we buy food and drinks and sometimes I just buy things that i like when I see one. ERGH! I even wrote down a list of all things that I bought and spent on. Every single thing that I can remember. And I mean EVERY.SINGLE.THING. From that 5 bucks shirt from Cotton On to that taxi ride to Woodland. Since he wants to know, nah! Take it!TAKE AND GO!! Quote from Russell Peter.

Btw, what colour should my eyeshadow be for tonight? Hahahaha.

Its only been 4 days but it feels like ages sinceI last blog.

I just came back from meeting the boyfriend. Had Mcd for dinner.

This week has been good. On Monday receive some good news from my trainer. Its definitely good news cos that means I still have some time to spent the days with boyfriend! We finished work early and some of us decided to hang around first. Some thought of going karoake but so ex la. So I told them why not we watch movie right.. Went to Cineleisure and we chose Blood: The Last Vampire. I don't really like fighting movies but I kinda like it.. I give it 3.5/5.

And just now, after work we dropped by Ben n Jerry's to have some ice-cream and home sweet home.

...

And oh, I got to know 2 things just now.
One from Lyn and another from bf.

From Lyn, I got to know that this girl told people that she's regular at DBL O padahal I not sure lah kan if she EVER step inside that club before. And I don't get it. Why must she lie eh? To make herself look cool? TO FIT IN?? I hate people who TRY SO HARD TO FIT IN.If you're not cool, you're not cool no matter how hard you try. :) You are just born to be cool.
So please, don't try so hard eh? WE CAN SMELLLLL IT MILES AWAY.
You're just making a fool of yourself.
Sape makan chilli, die terase pedas. Heh heh.

From Bf, got to know that the UGLY BADAK SEMBU added him on FB. I'm not really sure what's her motive. Nak step baik2 or what, can go fuck off k. SUMPAH TAK PERLU. Da 2 tahun kite finally da happy2 together, you no need to budge in and disturb our happy relationship. Kau g jage anak kau dgn laki kau yang muke tk hensem tu sua.

...

I'm hoping to get some fulus this Friday cos the colleagues have some plans in mind to have a farwell party for our trainee. Furthermore I've never been to that club before. Its Supper Club btw. I think that's how it is spelt la. So I hope, luck will be on our side.

I GOT to tell you my horrible, horrible, fucking horrible experience yesterday morning.
It is seriously fucking horrible to the max. I was totally caught off guard. Omg. And I can't believe it happened in the early morning. Macam cibai!!

I was sitting at the bustop where I usually wait for my bus. As I was sitting at the far end of the long seat and suddenly there's this Indian guy appeared on my right. I just took a glance and him and you know what?????????!!!!!! GET READY TO PUKE.

HE WAS WANKING AWAY!!!!!!!!!

FUCK, CIBAI, KANINA, SIAL, BUTO!!!!

I WAS LIKE ____________________________________________. Takot sial!!!
And I quickly get up and stand near the road. Omg.
SIAL NYE PARIAH DOG!!

It was like 930 in the morning for goodness sake!!! Ape stim sial???!!! Bodohnye jantan!
And I realised, those girls who kena like this, the guy happened to be INDIAN. Kimak! Indian otak senget per siak? God.

I had never thought that I will be a victim of this sick-minded fucking cibai guys. Disgusting shit!!! Harap2 tu pariah kene langgar lori bawak bangla and k**** die tercabot pastu anjing mkn. Sial.

On the other hand, I got my allowance yesterday. Vey generous gitu eh company tu. Asyik kasi duit jek. Baru start keje tapi mcm tk keje gitu, da dpt $1.3k cash. And me looking forward to end of this month pay. Plus GST. Wah..... Anyway yesterday after work I met up with Nadiah. My used to be colleague at Airport. We went to Bugis to find my work pants. I bought 2 pants. And it cost me 80 bucks. Just like that, money gone with the wind. And we decided to go Town at 10 plus. Haha. What a last minute thing. Settled on Emax. We watched JUNO. The place was so damn cold la! After that, home sweet home.

Today I'll be working at 3. And hopefully, my bf will fetched me tonight.. I miss you gitu.

One of my colleagues commented that she was shocked to see me at St james last Saturday cos she thought I was still underaged or maybe just reached 18. -_________-
But aku suke lah of cos. Haha.
Sape tk suker kan kalau orang ingat you're younger then ur real age.
I rather look young then old. Hehe.

I skipped work today. Old habits die hard. Pfft.

I'll be meeting boyfriend later since his evening class is cancelled.
Baby! I love you tau.
And I know you love me too.

Gua masi panas beb. Panas giler.

Selagi tu gambar tk tuka, I WON'T TAKE A CHILL PILL.

And I just found out. In the profile album, there's only two pics solo. One with them. And another one is with him.
And as far as I know, profile albums are pictures where you upload it YOURSELF.
So, what does that mean eh??

What? Do you actually have a crush on him secretly???????

FUCK OFF.

PS: I see kpo people. Forever copying others la. ROLLS EYES.

Daya I'm a sucker for LOVE. Not interested in dramas. Deeply in love with her one and only, Mohd Faizrul <3

I know you want me,you know I want you too.

Lovers and Fighters Since 20th July 2007