DAYAZUL <3.

Something is wrong with the memory card/USB cable/whatevershit. I can't upload it to my computer. I already tried using the laptop but still unsuccessful.

I tried using the PSP to view the pictures. Can! Ergh.
Tapi tkle upload to computer?? Haiya. Apasal ehhhhhh?

Like that must wait for boyfriend lor. Grrr!!!

Hello all!

I wanted to update with pictures from Saturday but I can't seem to upload it to my computer. Its ok. I'll use my brother's laptop to upload it tomorrow. That if, if I can get my hands on the laptop. My brother very the pelokek one. Hmpf! Haha. If not, I'll just have to wait till the next weekend till boyfriend bookout so I can use his laptop. So I guess I'll just update the whole thing when pictures are uploaded eh.

Pictures are from Lyn's belated birthday celebration at Gotham Penthouse.

Stay tuned!

What Is Your Man's Name?
Mohd Faizrul Bin Jaffar

How Long Have You Known Each Other For?
Almost 2 years.

What Color Are His Eyes?
Light brown.

Where Did You First Meet Your Man?
Outside MOS. heh.

What Was The First Thing You Said To Each Other Upon Meeting?
He didn't say a word. Waha. After the first meet, I walked away with my friends and then he called me asking where am i.

Who Else Was Around When You All Met?
Furr aka Titi. And a couple more of my gfs.

Were You Friends Before You Dated?
Yup.

Have you guys ever broke up and patch back?
Nope. Almost, yes but never in this 20 months.

Do You Normally Date Older Or Younger Guys?
Older.

How Long Have You All Been Together?
20 months 6 days.

When Did You Meet His Parents?
I think around October 2007. His first book out from Tekong.

Who Said, "I Love You" First?
Him.

Who kissed who first?
Me! He sent me back home by cab and I don't know why I kissed him before going off. LOL!
I was definitely shocked with myself! Cos I had never ever make the first move on guys before.

What Does He Call You?
Baby, darling, sweetheart, love, sintha, bacin, busyuk and many2 more. LOL.

Do You Know Any Of His Ex?
U'huh.

Is He Friends With Any Of His Ex?
Hmm.. I guess only one of them?

Are You Happy?
Yeah. Very happy.

Do Your Friends Like Him?
I guess. Haha?

How Many Kids Does He Want To Have?
He said he want MANY MANY kids. I can't remember how many but I know MANY.

Have You Ever Loved Anyone Else?
Yeah? But nothing can beat the love I have for him now. Its deep and most importantly its REAL.

What Is Your Best Memory Together?
There are SO MANY memories between us. Its hard to choose which one is the best.

Have You Talked About A Future Together?
YES. And I hope its gonna be a reality one day.

Do You Think You Two Will Get Married?
If god's willing but I really hope he is the one who i am gonna spend my life with.

This is what I usually do when I'm online.

Haha. Cute righttttt?? I know.

Yes, I am still actively playing with PS.
Luckily got Kiwiwi, if not, I'll be bored to death.
I changed her name from Bellala to Kiwiwi btw. Hahaha.

Her house is definitely prettyyyyy already.
All her things are bought from all those races and friends visiting.
Not from buying coins at the bank eh.
That one play cheat. Ok enough of that.

I am feeling under the weather since yesterday.
Had flu and sorethroat. But I'm feeling much better after eating med.
But my throat is still dry though.

I am starting to miss my lover boy already.
We very the gatal just now. You know why? Cos we talked about getting engaged and marriage. Hahaha.
I started it la. I was reading this blog, she was saying that she's getting engaged with her bf this year and immediately I msg him asking, 'u, biler nak tunang?' Hahaha. Gatal right??

And Mr boyfriend excited eh bebual pasal kahwin. Hehe.
Like I said, due2 da gatal!

But really la. Md Faizrul, mari kite plan biler nk tunang!!!!!!!

And tu makcik, lambat betol online!! Restart dari tadi sampai skrng tk online2.
Susah nk dpt connection eh Kak? Hahaha. Keep trying!!!

Md Faizrul being the sweetest boyfriend, fetched me right after work just now. After that went back to his house to eat and bath. Him la not me. Went to CWP to buy those pants. Suker eh die. Muker ader senyummmm. Haha. Ate at KFC and after that we had dessert at Gelare! Its been a looooong time we ate waffle with ice-cream. Yum yum!

And right now I'm having sore throat and flu. ERGH! Must be I got it from my mama la!

Tomorrow I am going to Raffles place with my parents to apply this card. After which I can take those office courses that I want. And I think its a good thing cos at least I have a cert to begin with. My resume will look much better with those certs, I guess.

Alright alright. I better get to sleep or else that somebody will nag and nag at me cos I sleep late den msg him late tomorrow. And he think I mengatal because I'm always on the computer till wee morning. Nola babyyyyy. Where got menggatal.. I only have my eyes on YOU.

I LOVE YOU DEEP DEEP LA MD FAIZRUL!

Everyone is a walking contradiction. But some contradict themselves real bad, even other people realize it. People have their own eyes to see and judge. I thought we were the only one who think the exact same thing. I guess not eh.. Moving on..

***

On a different note.

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY, SUGAR!!

Have a Rockin' life ahead babe.
May your life be full of happiness and love.

And remember, me and your friends will always be here for you when you're in need.
You know who they are. :)

See you on Saturday! (cross fingers)

XOXO

I am still not asleep yet. What's new?
Alright alright. After this post okkkkk.

Anyway, since I am free, let me update this blog of mine.

If you read my previous post, I said that I wasn't looking forward to his long holiday right? Well, I was wrong. I actually liked it cos I met him everyday. Heh. What's not to like about that anyway?

The weekend was burn though. Cos we had work on Saturday. But we still had some little time for ourselves after work. Before that he was complaining about his aching body. Make sure you see the doctor today soon eh. Check before its too late. You know I know and some people also know. Hahaha.

And oh, I checked my weight last two days and OOOOMGGGGGGGGG~~~~~!!!!!!

I FUCKING LOST QUITE A LOT OF WEIGHT LA!!!!!!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!!!!! SCARY SHIT LA FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My ideal weight is 50kg, you know!! I am dying for some fats in my body. I fucking need to see a doctor soon!!

I honestly envy those people who can gain weight. Serious shit la.

But there's this aunty at work told me she wants to be slim like me and I said NOOOOO! I hate it. But she said don't worry. Once you get married, sure you will get fat one. Well I guess? Not guess but CONFIRM ONE LA. But I can't wait till that long. Hahaha. I want to be fat now! Not fat la but atleast 10kg heavier!

Shit. I need to see a doctor. Probably this week. I wanna know whyyyyyyy I can't gain weight. Tak gain weight tkper, lose weight lagik!

BOLEH MAMPOS.

Caught My Bloody Valentine 3D at The Cathay just now. Yeah I know. Slow per kiter? Movie da nk belapok baru tengok. Waha. We are just not those couple who will watch movie every week. More like once every 2 3 months adelah. I think we watched less then 10 movies throughout this 20 months together.

And watching horror movie with him, really irritating la. Banyak songgeh betol.
' i tk suker la tengok citer cam gini '. He said that thrice throughout the movie. -.-
He hates watching movie where there's suspense and all that shit. Boring kan?? You know the movie The Legend? Tu pon nak tengok takot. Oops sorry baby. Your secret is out. LOL.

After that we had nothing to do. Yada yada. I was already home by 11. And I HAVE to try to sleep early today because besok saye keje 12 jam la. From 11am till 11pm. Confirm penat giler.

Alright then. Enjoy your weekend people.

HAPPY 20TH MONTH SAYANGKU!

No matter what happens,
no matter what I say,
no matter what I do,

You are STILL the ONE I wanna spend my life with.

I LOVE YOU MD FAIZRUL BIN JAFFAR.

I had my first non-chocolate drink from Starbucks just now. My first Caramel Frapp! Wahaha. Yeah I know. First?? Cos I don't drink coffee at all. The only drink that I ordered from Starbucks, Coffee Bean, McCafe is Chocolate ice-blended. That's it. And I only managed to drink till half though. After that, I felt sick. Bleargh.

I received an SMS awhile ago saying that I was shortlisted for an interview as........... You won't believe this. As a Police Officer! :S Me?? PO?? You GOT to be kidding. I actually applied for fun. Hehe. Confirm kene kekek eh kalau datang. What the hell is this skinny girl doing here?? Kwang3.

Boyfriend is booking out today. He is gonna have a long holiday. Sunday baru book in keper. Somehow, I don't feel excited? Hah. I don't know.

Boyfriend has been sleeping since 8pm just now and didn't wake up at all. I guess he has gone into deep sleep eh.

I didn't get his usual 'goodnite, sleep tite, sweetdreams, i love you so much daya' msg. :(

Haha.

Ever since we got together, goodnight messages is a MUST for us every single day. Without that, it feels so different. Especially when we fight, there won't be any. :(

This coming 29 March is going to be our ' 2 years Meet' day. Exactly 2 years ago around 10pm to 11pm, we met for the first time. Heheeeeeeeeee....

Ok that will be for another day. Bye!

Paranoia is taking over me.

Can I have more of this week weekend?
Please baby?

Just being with you all day makes me a happy girl.
I don't ask for expensive gifts, expensive dinners or anything expensive.

It is ok if you can't give me all the luxury in the world.
Cos all I want from you is your time and your attention.

And I promise, I will stop nagging. :)

I love you my sweetest-yet-sometimes-so-rough Boyfriend.

Do me a favour.

Don't pretend that you understand when in fact, you don't freaking care.

Thanks.

In the end, he still met me just now. Even though we only went for dinner and it was only for an hour.

I LOVE YOU FAIZRUL.

I have a new addiction.

YoVille! Haha. It is much better then Pet Society, I think. The prices for the furniture, clothes bla3 is a bit more expensive. And you earn lesser then PS. Every visit is 20 coins but the most you can get at Yoville is $10. Gahh. But its fun. You can interact with people all over the world. I just chatted with some people from Egypt and Australia. Hahaha. Im slowly creating my dream home at YoVille but the nice nice furniture all so expensive sia. Nvm. Takes time. Just like PS. LOL.

******

And oh, I noticed nowadays the boyfriend no longer meet me when he got nights off. Mostly out with campmates or whatever shit la. Yelah nak save muke kan jadi orang tk ckp asyik jumpe matair jek. Pfft. Whatever. Da rindu giler baru nak carik. Nie la lelaki. Biler ader something baru nak carik. CB. Da biase ar!!

I just deleted my post a while ago. Because I figure out, I really don't need to explain myself. I really don't need drama in my life.

Can't be bothered.

What I know, I am happy with the friends I have now and most importantly, I got my boyfriend.

My bf always says this ' Always look on the brightside of life '.

Be happy and have a happy life! Heck care what people say about you. As long as the one dearest to you know who you are, that is already enough.

And oh, like everyone else, I believe in Karma too.

What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.

Yesterday was so fucked up in the beginning. I bloody HATE to fcuking wait.

Once, twice its OK. But all the time?? And I already make myself clear that I will bloody show you my black face if you drag the time. And apparently you did. I waited for almost 2 hours!! Ergh. I will stop going to your house from now on cos when I'm there, you will tend to dilly-dally. Bloody ASSHOLE.

After that we went to Sheraton Towers to view an Art gallery. MCM PAHAM RIGHT?? But I won't deny that some of the art pieces, sungguh lawa and sungguh mahal nk mampos.

At some point afterwords, we argued again. Yeah I know my jealousy is too much but who cares. Went to Tong Seng to have our dinner. The situation was still awkward, both of us was so silent. Because of that, I lost my appetite to eat.

Went to Esplanade. We reached there around 9 plus. So early right? But it was good. We stayed till midnight. Reached home around 4.

And today as usual. Either I go his place or he will come here. And today, its my place.
No pictures as the memory card is with him. Furthermore we took less then 5 pictures. Pfft.

***

Last Thursday, me and Lyn went to Suntec for the job fair thing and it was such a disappointment. I think it was pretty useless. It was more to education. But I managed to take one brochure on Hotel Management Front Office. Told mum about it and it seems that she is willing to pay for me first if I wanna take up that course. So we will see.

After that went to eat at Pastamania at Suntec. After which went to Marina Square to walk around. Slacked at Starbucks. After which we met up with her Ibu and Mak. Shopping jek eh. Her Mak bought me a Levi t-shirt. Haha. Mati2 told me to pick one. Had dinner at Pizza Hut. Slept over at Lyn's place. And that was when all hell break lose. Stupid. But I can't believe I fall asleep quite fast. Cos usually I can't sleep if we were fighting. Haha.

It continued till the next day. Won't elaborate more la.

Ok, can't wait to meet Mr Faizrul. Hehe. Yeah I know. Sumernye bagos biler tgh lovey-dovey. Biler gadoh, sumenye macam sial. Tol tak? That applies to everything la hor.

k bye.

"He who belittles you is only trying to cut you down to his/her size."

***

''Your heart says stay and battle the pain, but your mind says leave for all this isn't needed,
broken into pieces for than one an only.
But follow your heart as the heart can only take so much.''

I wish words can explain exactly what I feel right now but no, it can't.

I am not happy. Period. I am dissapointed, sad and angry.

I am not sure if the risks I've been taking since Day 1 is worth my time or my tears that has been flowing ever since. I had my chances to run away, run away from heartaches and whats not. But I took the risk and stayed. Stayed, hoping to have my fairytale. But I realized, fairytales don't always have a happy ending.

Maybe I made a mistake. I made a mistake for putting my heart and soul in this relationship. Always trying too hard. Always trying to solve the problems. Hoping that the other party will realize how much this mean to me. But in the end? What do I get?

Girls are just to soft when it comes to Love. And I agree when they say ' when a guy did a mistake, big or small, they will beg and seek forgiveness and in the end, the girl will be all soft from it and take him back but when a girl make a small mistake, no matter what you say or do, the guy won't listen. And when he say no its means no'.

And to think of it, I'm not even sure what MAJOR mistake I made to be treated this way.

But the best part is, here I am, trying to work things out, while the other party happily hangout with friends, laughing and joking. While I'm crying my heart out. Its not worth it. It is just NOT worth it Daya.

If this is how you want it to be, if this is what that makes YOU happy, then fine with me.
I won't stop you anymore.

And please remember, I have my limits when it comes to being patience. Its running dry.
I was really this close from giving up. Really. Something triggered my brain and told me to give up.

I guess its time for me to withdraw abit.

A friend of mine told me I'm just so too into my boyfriend till I neglected my friends. :(
I totally agree with that. I am sorry.

***

I really think that some of his friends are really a bunch of inconsiderate human beings. I mean, don't they know that he has a gf??!! But yet still want to meet him on Friday and Saturday to hang out. Eh hello?! Kau bodoh keper?? Yelah dngr2 die single per weekend pon leh jumpe kau 24/7. Beh dngr2 aku leh jumpe die per weekdays?? BETOLNYE BENGAP NK MAMPOS SIAL! Da bagos tu Friday aku kasi die jumpe korang and tk jumpe aku, beh on Saturday pon masih nk jumpe per??!!! Bodoh sial.

I am seriously starting to hate them! ERGH!!!!!!!!!!

I need to sleep early as I have to wake up early tomorrow to meet Lyn for the job fair thing at Suntec but the thing is, I still can't sleep!

Boyfriend was being mean today. I don't know why la. I have the tendency to give up when we fight. Even though we already promised each other that no matter what happens, we will stay as one. Maybe I'm being over-dramatic. Oh well. What's new? I am so thankful that he isn't the type who will give up easily. If both give up easily, I don't think we could have made it this far.

And I guess, we fought about something new this week. About us going overseas, without each other. Cos so far, we have never separate with each other by going overseas and such. Taiwan is not included la hor. I mean, going overseas for holidays or visiting some friends. The furtherst is JB. Hah. Tu pon ape sia, stakat top up minyak.

So I was pretty mad when he wanted to go KL to visit his friend. I'm not saying that my friends are perfect but my friends and his, is a whole lot different. So yeah. In the end, he didn't go but he told me the next time round, I can't stop him. Well, that kinda hurts though. It feels like I as a gf, doesn't have any rights to stop him? If he wants to have freedom to do whatever he wants, why bother having a gf in the first place?? Correct or not??

And because of that, we fought and it feels stupid you know. Its like the trip is sucha big deal. tak pergi leh mati gitu. And he even told me, he don't wana be seen as someone who is scared of his girlfriend. I don't get it. Whatever happens, will your friends bare the consequences? No. If something happen to you, who will get the heartaches and such? Who? Your friends is it? So indirectly, you are telling me, your friends are MUCH MUCH MORE important then me. No no. You're telling me YOUR FACE is much more important then me.

Gosh I feel so mad.

Why am I writing this? Cos I see there's a need to let it out. It feels so unfair la! Ergh.

Life is so unfair.

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

I am being so extra sensitive today. I don't know why.

Sigh.

I just feel like I'm being neglected and I feel so unloved.

:(

I remembered the time when he 'stalked' me at MOS, lying to me he went somewhere with his campmate when in actual fact, he went to MOS to check up on me. Well I was pissed. But he told me, ' whatever I do, is for your own good or our own good. I love you so much, I don't want anything to happen to you '.

Well, you can actually use that line on yourself now baby. Whatever I do, is for your own good and our own good. I don't want to risk everything for something not worth it.

I just wish sometimes he can be a lil more understanding towards my feelings, really understand the reasons I have over all the things I did. I get mad because of a reason. I don't get mad for nothing right? And yes, I get mad because I love you. I love you, damnit! That is why I do all this. Don't you get it dear?

Gosh. I just wish sometimes boys think like girls. It will definitely make our life easier. Well, not exactly the exact same but close.

And please, tone down your ego. They care so much about what their friends think about them. Like 'takot pmpuan and ETC'. Hello? The one in this relationship is you not your friends. And kalau pape jadi, sape yang sakit hati, sape yang merane? YOUR GF. Not them ok! Yelah. Care so much bout your friends, biler kau susah, dorang ader nk tolong tak? PPFFT!

I seriously don't get it with boys and their egos.

And and, don't forget. They are so good at turning the tables around. When in actual fact, they are the one who is at fault. They will twist and turn and make it look like its our fault. And end up, we are the one who have to say sorry for something that we didn't do. Hah. Stupid.

But this one, he has improved alot over our 19 month together. Kalau tk dulu, merane siak aku. Sumenye akunye salah. Sumenye aku yg kene pujok, merayu, make the first move to call or msg and whatsnot. And die? Shake leh, wait for me to apologise ar ape lagi. I hate those moments. I seriously do. But whatever. What past is past.

The moral of the story is, be more understanding can? And don't be so egoistic can?

LOVE YOU.

I actually feel bad for not letting him go..
I can see that he really wants to go but I just can't. I really can't.

I have my reasons why I can't let you go.
I've seen those people. Yes, they are a bunch of crazy and fun people to be with but are they TRUSTWORTHY? I'm not sure. I BARELY know them.

God knows what else you guys do down there. Especially when I'm not around.
Yeah, maybe I do have some trust issues, I won't deny. You know, I know. And it is still hard to trust you on this. I'm sorry.

If because of this, you're gonna be mad with me, I understand. But please remember that I have my reasons for doing this.

And I love you Faizrul. I don't want anything to happen to you.

The rest is at my Multiply.

So Saturday as I said, all my plans didn't work out but we still had fun. We ended up having our first karoake session! Hahaha. It was definitely fun though. Only the two of us and the room was biggggg. Next time eh? I was supposed to go to my friend's birthday pit but since it was raining damn heavily and I was having a good time with Boyfriend, I decided not to go. Lucky she's not angry.

As Sunday, it was raining damn heavily. We ended up meeting at 9pm! Was pissed off man. But whatever. As usual, no plans. Kite kan slalu no plan punye tapi last2 still enjoy. We played bowling for an hour. Right after that, I decided to go....geylang! For durians. We had one big durian for ourselves and I must say, powerrrrr!! It was so sweet! Of cos la! We paid almost 30 bucks for one durian. But it was worth it.

The Love has to book in just now. I am gonna miss him. Weekend pass by so fast, as usual.. Grr. And why does it have to rain everyday?? Somemore same timing leh! I noticed. Haha.

I suddenly have the urge to hug my boyfriend... I love you Md Faizrul.

You're the only one that matters to me. ONLY YOU.

I am basically waiting for Md Faizrul to wake up. Grrr! Its already coming to 3.

I had fun yesterday! Even though what I had planned didn't work out cos someone think its a waste and it kept raining yesterday! But it's ok. We still had our fun!

More updates/pictures on my next post.

ps: i still want my Ben n Jerry at Dempsey Hill!!!!

edit//

see la! Its already raining damn heavily like hell! and this boy just woke up! at 4.38pm! HAIYO!!!! mcm mane nk kluar nie mcm??! GGGGRRRRRRR!!!

Daya I'm a sucker for LOVE. Not interested in dramas. Deeply in love with her one and only, Mohd Faizrul <3

I know you want me,you know I want you too.

Lovers and Fighters Since 20th July 2007