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Saturday, January 31, 2009
Some people just don't understand that I AM NOT WORKING for the time being. Its been 2 months. And where do you think I get my money from? From the trees outside my house is it? I only go out when necessary. I even think twice or thrice to go out just to hangout and stuff like that cos it needs money. The moment i step out of my house to take the bus, it already cost money. And my parents are not some rich folks. They have their own thing to settle, two brothers who are still depending on them financially. And me being the eldest, doesn't want to burden them with all that. And some just get angry when I don't want to hangout and stuff. Telling me ' Oh kluar dgn dektu boleh bla3'. Hello? I already said I go out only when I have things to do. Beh da kluar, klua terus la kn? Haiyo. Then for no reason wana get mad at me. Like i choose to be jobless??? As a friend, can you like understand my situation here?? Ya, naik mrt pergi situ bape sen jer. I know memang bape sen jer but.. oh heck. Whatever la k. You have a job, stable income and such but me? I have none of that. 10 bucks for you might not be much, but for people who doesnt have any job and money, its alot. Gosh. I hate people who only thinks of themselves. Friday, January 30, 2009 Sesungguhnye kaki ku ini lengoh nak mampos, aku tetap nk update. Pasal ape pon tk tau. I've been playing games from FB like every single day!! Like kalau tk main game mcm tk sah gitu. Haha. I dont even bother checking my Friendster account now. Nie da zaman Facebook la. Friendsternye zaman da over. Hahaha. K whatever. I am still looking for a job. Well not really actually. Haha! Im just hoping for the Traineeship course. But the bad thing is, the course that I want is not available anymore. Sucks. But this monday I have an interview for Recep but I wont put any hopes on it. Plus my friend told me about this salon in Raffles that still need people and I already told him to ask for me. In this case right now, I will take any job that comes my way. Tapi bukan keje hostess ke ape la. Nk mampos? Haha.  I MISS YOU, THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE. haha. Hopefully, i'll get to meet you tomorrow. And i promise, I wont carik pasal tak tentu pasal. Hehe. Edited// In a moment of boredom, I was Facebook-hoping and I saw this girl profile and I totally love love her bangs. And so, without thinking, I actually cut my fringe. Hahahaha! So here i am. Black hair with bangs. My first long black hair WITH bangs. And I actually kinda like it. Hoho. Wednesday, January 28, 2009  At the end of the day, you are STILL the one I wanna be with. Now, tomorrow and Forever. I love you. Tuesday, January 27, 2009 The computer is finally back in my room after a veryyy long time. When was the last time i had the computer in my room? Oh my god. When were moved into this house and that's like 2 3 yrs ago? It feels so nice to have it back. That means hurray to late-night chats. I definitely need someone to accompany me right now. To take my mind off things. Its definitely important to have at least one best friend to let out all our sorrows and such. Haha. Girls being girls, whenever we have a tiff or what with our partner, we just need to let it out to someone. Well, thats me. Im not sure with other girls though. But i bet guys to do that too.. Oh well. I am so hungry right now. I havent eat since afternoon. And its already coming to 10. Gosh. My mum says im getting skinnier. Like literally skin and bones. haha! And shes mad at me cos i didnt eat since afternoon. She even asked me ' makan darah per kau? makan darah pon leh makan dlm tau. ' Err no. I dont think thats the reason though. Hah. Haiz. I miss my boyfriend.. :'( maybe its my fault. i feel like i just lost someone so precious.. and im the one to blame. i wont blame you if you start to drift away from me.. im sorry.. Monday, January 26, 2009 Why do i keep hurting the ones i love the most? What the hell is wrong with me??!!! Fuck it. I hate myself. I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again till that person cant stand it any longer. I kept reminding myself to fucking change but im still the fucking same. I kept crying over the mistakes i made but the next day, i make the same mistakes again. Over and over and over and over again. Its a fucking cycle!! I want this to stop. I hate it. I hate this. I hate me. I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish i can say how sorry i am but i know, my sorrys are overrated. I kept saying sorry to you. And i know, you're sick of it. This time, i need a favour from you. I want to change and so do you. What i need most now is your support boyfriend. Taken from Lyn's method. Everytime when im starting to show my tantrums and stuff, please remind me to control myself and tell me that im trying to change. And maybe make a joke about it cos i know, most of your jokes will make me smile or laugh. I hope it will work. I know it will. Cos this method has been tested and it works right Lyn! Ok im off to play games in FB. Hahaha! Sunday, January 25, 2009 It is super windy here at Toa Payoh. Am at Lyn's place under her void deck. Thank god there's connection. Haha! No link at all, i know. Im already feeling sleepy right now! Cepat skit ar pantat!!!!!!!!!! Grrr!!!  It has arrived.. What? Those deadly symptoms. Those 3 words... PMS. I ALWAYS get this very very awful moods towards the end of every month. I mean my temper is just so fucking ridiculous. Like TOTALLY. Worse then normal days. Just one wrong word, i can blow up. And the only person who has to suffer most is my boyfriend. Like just now. We were chatting on msn and i asked him why is he prepaid always low, confirm contact other girls and hes reply was ' hehe, hehehe, camne u tau?' I know he was joking (should be ar. if he really contact other girls, hes seriously gona get it from me!!!) but that kinda answer seriously tk perlu k! Lagi2 with my urge to get mad is fucking high. Hmpf. And because of my mood-swing, things will/can get out of hand. Especially, if things don't go my way. But i dont wish to argue or whatever! I cant control my temper!! Somebody slap me!!! Taken from a research from google. "You should stay away from sugar, caffeine and just about all things sweet, especially during and around the time of your menstrual  Sweets will have you confessing your love one minute, then two minutes later you're throwing objects and displaying hatred to those nearest and dearest to you. Though you probably crave sweets more when you are on your period, this is the time you most want to stay refrain from having anything sweet. At times you will find yourself bothered by things that usually don't matter to you, or you may just be angry for no particular reason. This is the tough part, but you need to realize that you are not angry because you want to be, but rather you are angry due to a chemical imbalance. Remind yourself that you were created this way and you may not be in a good mood right now, but you are going to control yourself because you are a good person who just happens to be in a bad mood and this bad mood shall pass and everything will be perfect." How to stay calm.
Ok daya. Take a deeeeeeeeeeeep breathe. Semangat per aku g research nie sume! Haha! To the bf, if at any point of time from today onwards, i'll get moody, cranky, irritating and whats not, im sorry. Its the moodswings. But, i will try my best not to be all shitty alright. Cos i know, that will end with us fighting for no reason. And sorry about the msn thing. I didnt mean it. You know I love you! Saturday, January 24, 2009  My computer miraculously is doing fine. Much much much better! I can even edit pictures already. I hope u stay this way, comp. And because of this, i can now play games in Facebook! Fashion wars and Pets Society is my favourite! Hahahaha. Ok whatever. Im hooked in FW. Alright. Got nothing else to update. Will be meeting the love after he's back from jb. And Happy Chinese New Year to all chinese. And ya. Happy holidays! Even though everyday seems like holiday to me. Haha ok bye. Ps: Ar ya I heard singaporeans are getting twice as much as last yr for the GST thing but what i wana know is that, AM I GETTING?? Im not working for now, and i turn 21 in SEPTEMBER! so how how??????? My friend got it last year despite her turning 21 in september too. My mum says im not getting. Im Confused!! Friday, January 23, 2009 Bad news. The company I applied for are not taking any trainees for this year. Omg. But its OK! I just checked the ITE website and i still have tomorrow till 27 FEB to apply for another course. And this time, im gonna choose the one i truly interested in and that is Office Skills. I should have applied that course in the beginning!! Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope its still available though. Oh gosh... I went for an interview yesterday for front desk at Hotel81 and they said the latest i will know if im shortlisted is this evening... but still no news.. OMG. Why the fuck is it so fucking hard to find a job???? Im so stress thinking about this you know!!! I just hope that the course is still available if not, im dead meat. For now, any kind soul to supply me money till i get a job? *kesian face* Thursday, January 22, 2009 I wish i am rich.. I wish money falls from the sky.. I wish I get a job soon.. I wish my mum will stop nagging at me when i ask her for money.. I wish I found a wallet full of money.. Keep wishing Daya..... I wish money didnt even exist la! Tuesday, January 20, 2009 Do you know how hard and irritating it is to be using this bloody computer?? Its the MOST troublesome computer i ever use in my life!!! I have to keep refreshing the page cos normally it shows Address Not Found or Page Load Error. And i have to keep refreshing the page till it loads. And there's at least 3 tabs in one window. So that if i wanna tag, comment or whatsoever, i have to refresh the other page so that i can know if its connected to the internet. If not, my tags or comment cant get through. Fuck, why am i explaining ? You guys wont get it anyway. I hate this computer!!! Because of this, I cant have a proper time updating my dusty ol' Facebook. Hahaha!! I got a Facebook long time ago actually. Hehehe to boyfriend. I stop using cos I just dont understand how it works. Too complicated. So many things in there. But i finally take a look just now after many2 months of not updating or whatsoever. Its sucha waste this computer is not working properly or else I can waste my time playing all those games in it. Did you know, the creater of FB earns more then 1 BILLION DOLLARS ?? Wow. That's like fcking rich!!!!!! I dont think 1ooo$ means anything to him. Donate me some of your money la!! The creator is a nerd but not bad-looking. And hes the youngest of them all. 24 i think. And he is anti-social actually. He once organise a big party in a club but end up, he sat in one corner by himself and not sociallising with the guests. Hahaha. Funny right? And the richest nerd is the creators of GOOGLE. They actually bought $220 million Boeing Commercial Airplane for themselves. Wahlau. Sponsor me my car liciense la!! 1k plus only. Singapore dollar somemore. Haiya. Dream on. Hahaha. Why did i end up talking about nerds? Anyway this is so random. Im so stressed about my interview tomorrow. I even jolt down what i wana say if she ask me certain qs but im still scared cos i tend to stumble on my words when im nervous. Gosh damn it! Ok i am so bored right now. Need to wake up early tomorrow. Bye. Eh wait! I know i wont be blogging when the clocks strikes 0000, so i would like to wish my baby darling an advance wish... Happy 18th Month Sayangku. SAYA CINTA SAMA KAMU KAULAH SEGALANYE KAULAH KEKASIH HATIKU YOU'RE MY NUMBER 1 NOW AND FOREVER iloveyouFaizrul.     Saturday was definitely bittersweet. I just wanted to spend time with him, only him, but things always don't turn out the way i want. Hmpf. Quite pissed off actually. I mean, who wont right? You didnt get to meet your bf the whole week cos he's in camp. And then weekend you thought you can have atleast one day to have him all by yourself but in the end, you have to share it with someone else. But nvm. We still got our own time at the end of the night. Met my friends halfway. Its been a long time we hangout, just the 3 of us. Im missing out alot i guess. Korang 2 da blondie, jealous!!!!! Nvm. Been there dont that. Hahaha. But anyway, we argued, again on that night. As much as i hate to admit it, im all to blame for it. And for all the days we fought. But this time, its different. We didnt have any screaming match or helmets flying around, but it was all talk. But he used 'fuck you and fuck' alot. We had a talk,again but mostly he was the one doing the talking. And I as per normal, teared. Cos i felt sad, sad, sad. Alot of things to be sad about. First, the things he said, second, i felt like a very bad gf, third, i took him for granted and the list goes on. I honestly feel that he deserve a better girl then me. But i guess, he loves me alot to have to put up with my sucky attitude all this while. And him being sweet as usual, wipe away my tears and gave me a hug. I love you baby. I know i've said it alot of times about me trying to change. But this time, im really really gona try my damn best to change. Its not doing us good. Someone slap me? Plus, its our 18th tomorrow. And its still not to late to make a new resolution right? Ps: Md Faizrul, thanks for loving me despite me being a pain sometimes. Your the best for me. I promise you, i will try my best to change. After that, we can live happily ever after. Haha. Im going for the interview for my traineeship tomorrow. Gosh. Wish me the best people. I hope i wont screw it up. This is my only chance!!!! God, help me. What should i wear eh?? And i miss my baby already. I feel like hugging him. *sad face* Sunday, January 18, 2009  I was so excited to meet boyfriend yesterday, i felt like i was meeting him for the first time. Rindu rindu rinduuuuuu sangat2! He picked me up and off we went back to his house as we had no other plans. Watched 4bia together with his lil sister. Around 10 plus decided to go out but didnt know where. Haha. But before that i kinda ransacked his cupboard for fun and i saw a small box and inside is a birthday gift made of ice-creams sticks stick together and words made of macaroni, made by his ewwww! ex. And i wasnt angry at all. I mean i dont care anymore. Not like last time, anything about his 'badak' ex can make me lost my mood completely!!! Plus, i found a photoframe of their sungguh tk lawa pictures. I decided to take all those and dump it in the dustbin but his lil sister go and show it to the mum instead. Aiyo. And you know what the mum said? She wanted to keep the box and said just cut out boyfriend pictures. I mean, what for eh? Or she still wanted to keep their photos for herself? For memories perhaps? Whatever it is, i dont give a damn lor. But macam tk puas hati sey aku, aku nak buang, die nk simpan plak.Tkper2. All that matters now, he loves me and only me! After that, we went to Bottle Tree Park at Yishun. Sat there and just spend time together. Bf, i know im so irresistible, you just cant keep your hands off me. Haha! Yada2, he sent me home around 12 plus. For today, we have no plans again. But what i know, i just wana be with him. But plz eh, not woodland again! Sungguh boring. Alright then. Have a good weekend! Friday, January 16, 2009 I hope i will get accepted for the course that i appealed for yesterday. I hate interviews! And there's only 10 vacancy available. I really really hope i will be one of the 10 people. I chose that company because its well known. And yeah i admit, i saw the salary and it is very high for a trainee. Kwang3. Anyway wondering what course i picked? Its ................ jeng3 ............. Dental Assisting! I actually thought of taking Health care at the last minute but i saw the criteria, you have to speak mandarin. BORING. So yeah, dental it is. Finally, after so long, i met Lyn yesterday too. Chitty2-chat. As per normal la kan. 4 days of not meeting, and amazingly, im still ok. Im not saying that i dont miss him, i do but i know he dont. I mean, he used to say that he miss me when hes in camp and amazingly, he didnt say a word bout missing me this week. And day by day our conversation on the phone has become shorter and shorter. Like less then 5-10mins. Its like, i dont know. Maybe i just need attention and nobody is giving me any attention including him (boohoo?) so i tend to over-think. And it sucks. The feeling sucks. Like i feel like he dont love me anymore? This is the time where i feel like i need money and friends so that i can go out, have fun and not think too much. I hate thinking too much cos it will make me more crazy and stress thinking bout things that is not happening! I dont even know what am i stress about! Gosh, im just mumbling to myself right now. I feel like typing more about what im feeling right now but i just dont know what to say! My main point is, i need attention. I just feel...lonely...? Taken from beyonce's song, ' i tend to nag when i need attention'. Oh well. That pretty much fits me. Tuesday, January 13, 2009 Have you guys heard stories about couple breaking up or having big fights because of an online profiles? Well i did. I guess most of you guys has heard atleast one story about it. I mean, it is such a normal thing to fight about now. Been there, done that too. But it was after the break up. Haha. Girls are born to be stalkers, one way or another. Haha. C'mon, admit it! Anyway i got to know that that somebody has an online profile which i dont know about and i heard it from his friend's mouth. So since i didnt have anything to do, i decided to check it out and demand for his password. Well, that was the first time i asked for any of his online profile's password eh. So dont assume im a pyscho who wants to know every password he has. But so far he only has 2 profiles including this one. My intention was just to look around, not to search for a fight. So while fb-hoping, i saw this particular girl's name and it was the girl whom i hateeeeeeee alot. Hate means hate ok! Fucking hate till I cant even bare to see her fucking photos and say out her name cos it is that disgusting. So let's call her bitch. That bitch was in his friend's list. I thought i remembered saying 'if you wana be with me, cut all ties with that fucking bitch' on that night. Hah! And his reason was that she was already in her list. But you have the time to comment on people's page and stuff but dont have anytime to delete her off? Ergh. Whatever la eh mister. Oh fyi i already delete her off myself. Hah. Tu bitch da maju skrang nmpk. Dulu pakai tudung, skrng da colour rambut. Perang2 lak tu mcm minah. Seriously tk kene eh. Whateverrrrrrrrr. Ok. Felt so much better after exploding it out. Honesty is definitely the best but sometimes, the truth does hurts. So you have to be careful with the words you say in order not to break that person's heart. Thanks to you for being honest but no thanks(!) for telling me in a harsh way. It feels like somebody just stab me in the heart without warning. But whatever eh....... Next, i am still jobless. Ergh! And i was surfing through the net and i decided to view some traineeship courses in ITE and i saw the application date and guess what? It starts tomorrow. Not quite alot of courses but they have office skills and dental. I thought of taking dental since early last year when i was jobless but in the end, i didnt apply for it. And its only for a year. But bf think that course kental. KENTAL KE???? Ok per kn?? I think he wants me to take pastry and baking or farbrication but i have no idea what fabrication is?? Pastry and baking is 2 years! Dont you think its pretty long?? My gosh. My hairstyling course took me 2 and a half years but it feels like forever. Furthermore i lost my interest less then a year, so i had to suffered through the whole time. Truly regret my decision to take that course. See where i am now?? Im not working in the salon anymore cos the working hrs sucks to the max. So anyway, what if i lost my interest in it again?? Susah, susah. But i like baking though. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....................... BINGGUNG SUNGGUH! I told my mum about this and she gave me the green light. So now, i have to make a very important decision of choosing the right course which i wana apply. I dont wana regret it again. But i probably choose either dental or office.. But the thing is, the course starts in April. Then now till April dok rumah abiskn beras? Cadangan yang baik. -_- Its coming to 8 and i've not yet bath. HAHAHA! Ape jer tau si dektu buat. Reply sms lembab nk mampos!! Monday, January 12, 2009 Finally, pictures.. From NYE at Clarke Quay and last weekend at Le Noir. More at Multiply. 3 words for last friday. Drink, drank, drunk.
More pictures at Multiply. Enjoy your weekdays people. And i hope by this week, i'll get a job. Friday, January 9, 2009 WAH. I VERY THE ANGRY RIGHT NOW. I GOT THIS JOB INTERVIEW TODAY AT CITYHALL AND I REACHED THERE AROUND 12PM. NOONE WAS AROUND. SO I ASSUMED THEY WENT TO LUNCH. SO I WAITED TILL 1.30. 1 AND A HALF HOURS SEEMS LIKE 1 MILLION YEARS. AND WHEN I CAME BACK, THE PERSON SAID, THEY ALL WENT TO LUNCH SO COME BACK AT 2.30PM CAN? CB!!!!!! I THOUGHT LUNCH IS FROM 12PM TILL 1 PM???!!! RIGHT NOW IM AT CYBERCAFE WASTING MY 4 BUCKS JUST TO PASS THE FUCKING TIME. CB LA!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO GO HOME AND SLEEP LA ASSHOLESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thursday, January 8, 2009 My grandma's elder sister just died a few hrs ago. I was quite shock when my mum text me that. It was all too sudden. And i cant believe it. Every year since i was in sec 2/3, someone from either mum's side or my dad's side died. Its quite scary actually because we might never know who's next. Im really not ready to lose my love ones. Especially my mum, dad and my two brothers plus my only grandma. I love them so much even though i don't really show it. ****** I got to meet my sweetest boyfriend just now even though we spent like only 2 hrs together before he has to book in. The moment i step into my house, i already started to miss him. God, this is crazy! I simply just cant get enough of him even if we spent more then 24 hrs together. He is THAT irresistible, to me. I cant wait for Friday cos that's when i get to meet him again! ****** I have already start searching for a job and gosh, it is such a hassle! Can someone just give me a job without having any interview and such?? I am like fucking lazy to go for interviews la! So far, i only went for one interview. And tomorrow which is today, i might go for 2 interviews. We will see. If im not lazy that is. Stop being lazy la daya! I thought of giving Zouk a try but i dont think boyfriend will approve. Furthermore, it is a permanent night shift. And i hope tomorrow the interviewer is a guy. Haha! No! Not because i wana flirt (crazy or what??), but so far, i got back only one call for a second interview & the interviewer is a chinese middle-age guy and he was the only male interviewer i had. Mostly are females. Females abit leceh la. Hahaha. Or maybe its just me? Whatever. I just need a fucking job la!! ****** I am like TOTALLY broke. I mean totalllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy brokeeeeeeeeeee! Money, money, please drop from the sky. Please? Wednesday, January 7, 2009   I bet you don't know this cos i don't show it but the truth is, i am missing you so much right now.. Tuesday, January 6, 2009 Bf left for camp this morning without his hp. So forgetful! So there's no way for me to contact him except his office no. But that's only till 5.30pm. :( And im not sure when he's booking out too. Shucks. That means no goodnight msg from him to me. Sedih. Anyway i was watching Ellen's show just now and Beyonce sang this song at the end of the show and i was totally hooked on it. And i feel like it fits me pretty well. The lyrics i mean. ***** I'm a train wreck in the morning I'm a bitch in the afternoon Every now and then without warning I can be really mean towards you I'm a puzzle yes indeed Ever complex in every way And all the pieces aren't even in the box And yet, you see the picture clear as day I don't know why you love me And that's why I love you You catch me when I fall Accept me flaws and all And that's why I love you And that's why I love you And that's why I love you I neglect you when I'm working When I need attention I tend to nag I'm a host of imperfection And you see past all that I'm a peasant by some standards But in your eyes I'm a queen You see potential in all my flaws And that's exactly what I need I don't know why you love me And that's why I love you You catch me when I fall Accept me flaws and all And that's why I love you And that's why I love you And that's why I love you I love you Md Faizrul. much more then you ever know. Monday, January 5, 2009
Ps: Congrats bf for stopping smoking for almost 4 days now. And i believe you can continue to do so! I know you can baby. Fuck all those people who dont believe in you. That's their problem. :) I love you sweetheart! Saturday, January 3, 2009 I think i have lost my desire to blog. Everytime i feel like blogging, i feel oh so malas to even type. And im blogging not because i want to. Its like i've been forced to blog. Padahal tkde orang force aku. Haha. Maybe cos i have a lousy comp that cant uploads pictures? Thus the mood is not there. This blog look so lifeless and empty without those colourful and editted pics of mine. Ergh! I was with the boyfriend, just the two of us the whole night on countdown. Both of our hps pratically wasnt working, which i dont know why. So we couldnt contact anyone. End up we just had one another the whole night. We went back home quite early that day. Infact, damn early it doesnt even feel like New Year. The moment i reached home, i felt suckier then ever. But thank goodness, the feelings fade when i woke up. *** Im not sure to be angry or pissed or what. Im not sure what to feel. I feel like i have curfews but not from my own parents! And it makes me feel like a little kid whom have no control over her life and whom need to be home at a certain time. And i seriously dont like it. Im turning 21 this year. Not 12. And him turning 22. 22 is already a young adult siaaaaa. Its already time to grow up for goodness sake. Do you really need someone to tell you what to do? Or what not to do? Take charge of your own life. If you know you didnt do anything wrong, then why be afraid of what people have to say? Think about that. I dont wana feel suffocated because of this. I still wana have fun, y'know. *** I wanted to say my New Year started with a bang but sadly, i cant. Bf met me at my block and he didnt use his bike instead he rode his dad's bike and i guess luck wasnt on our side or maybe god wanted to test us. It broke down just minutes after i sat on it. And things just got worst when he wanted to 'repair' it. I thought we could have a decent hangout near my place. Just be happy but the opp happened. I felt so unfair with the way he treats me but at the end of the night, things was ok. And i hope, he listens to what i said when we were talking things out. Plz, i had enough of fights. Dont make the new year worst then ever. I just wana be happy. *** I am gona look for jobs this monday. I HAVE to. Thursday, January 1, 2009 I just type a whole lot of things but i deleted it. I guess just a summary will do. Good and bad things happened in 2008. Throw the bad, keep the good. Anyway below are some list of my first this year and my resolutions. Heh. All the events that happened, which i is quite long if i blog it here, will be written in my private blog or my hand-written diary which only me have the access. Bleargh. some first i had this year.
Ok time for the NY RESOLUTIONS.
Happy new year everyone. Have a good 2009 and enjoy your last day of the year! |
    
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